Topic: Lord

Losing Your Job at Xmas - Christmas Downsizing! Today's global challenges require the North Pole to continue to look for better, more competitive steps. Effective immediately, the following economy measures are to take place in the "Twelve Days of Christmas" subsidiary: The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree never turned out to be the cash crop forecasted. It will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant, providing considerable savings in...

I was making my rounds today and stopped by Mrs Dub's site and found out that May 11th, 2007 is Military Spouse Day. To all the wonderful spouses left here to hold down the fort, I give the following poem in their honor. Thank you for what you do too.

The Chief Rabbi of Israel and the Pope are in a meeting in Rome. The Rabbi notices an unusally fancy phone on a side table in the Pope's private chambers. "What is that phone for?" he asks the pontiff. "It's my direct line to the Lord." The Rabbi is skeptical, and the Pope notices. The Holy Father insists the Rabbi try it out, and, indeed, he is connected to the Lord. The Rabbi holds a lengthy discussion with Him.

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy.

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweat-shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, “What setting do I use on the washing machine?” “It depends,” I replied. “What does it say on your shirt?” He yelled back, ” University of Oklahoma.” And they say blondes are dumb!!! ~~~ A couple is lying in bed. The man says, “I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.

She married and had 11 children then her husband died. She married again and had 7 more children and again her husband died. But, she remarried again and this time had 5 more children and still again her husband died. Alas…she finally died. Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, “Lord, they’re finally together.

A naive young girl from a small town was visiting friends in San Francisco. She phoned her mom to let her know how she was getting along. “Things are rather strange here. I see men who hold hands, kiss and hug each other. They’re called ‘gays’ or homosexuals. Even more surprising, there are women here who do the same things and they are referred to as ‘lesbians’.

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God… “Lord, I have a problem!” “What’s the problem, Eve?” “Lord, I know you’ve created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedic snake, but I’m just not happy.” “Why is that, Eve?” came the reply from above. “Lord, I am lonely. And I’m sick to death of apples…” “Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you.

Father Norton wakes up to a beautiful and sunny Sunday morning and decides he just has to play golf. He pretends he’s sick and convinces the associate pastor to say Mass for him that day, then heads out of town to a golf course about 40 miles away so he won’t run into anyone from his parish. On the first tee, he sees that he has the entire course to himself—everyone else is in church!

A hippie gets onto a bus and proceeds to sit next to a Nun in the front seat. The Hippie looks over and asks the Nun if she would have sex with him. The Nun surprised by the question politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts on it’s way the bus driver says to the hippie,”if you want I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you.

An Atheist was walking through the woods in Yellowstone. “What majestic trees. What powerful rivers. What beautiful animals!” he said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look and he saw a 7 foot Grizzly charge toward him. He looked again, and the bear was even closer. He tripped and fell to the ground.